


of swing sets, trees, and beds

by myday



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse, Suicide Attempt, i mean its mostly angst but there's fluff in the end i promise, mentions of divorce, some mild swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:18:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myday/pseuds/myday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>changkyun fell out of a lot of things. swing sets. trees. beds. but never out of love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of swing sets, trees, and beds

**Author's Note:**

> !! mentions of depression, abuse, and suicide !!
> 
> good luck

i.

When Lim Changkyun turned five years old, his parents gave him a swing set. It wasn’t one of those miniature, lame sets that babies used. No, this swing set was for _big kids_ , like Changkyun. It had shiny, red metal bars and real chains that held the seat up. Being a big kid meant sitting on swings that didn’t have plastic chairs with leg holes and dumb seat belts. It meant kindergarten and new light up shoes that everyone wants at school. Most importantly, it meant showing his best friend that he could be cool and grown up, too.

The second his father finished building the set, Changkyun was racing out of his backyard across the street to where his best friend lived.

Yoo Kihyun was two years older than Changkyun and he went to second grade with all the older kids. He wore shoes that had laces instead of velcro and read books that didn’t have pictures on every single page. Kihyun was everything Changkyun wanted to be.

Changkyun rapped on Kihyun’s front door excitedly. The door swung open a few seconds later.

“Kihyun-hyung!”

Kihyun held on to the edge of the door with his left hand. His right was occupied by a chaptered book, thumb marking his page.

“Hi, Changkyun!” smiled Kihyun. “What’s up?”

 _What’s up_ , Changkyun repeated in his head. _He even talks like the big kids._

“I got a swing set for my birthday!” he proceeded to cheer. “Do you want to play on it?”

Kihyun thought about it, glancing down at his book doubtfully. Nevertheless, he abandoned his book on a table and stepped outside, shutting the door behind him.

“Okay,” he agreed.

Changkyun gleefully grabbed Kihyun’s hand and sprinted to his yard, dragging his friend closely behind.

“Look at how neat it is!” Changkyun bragged, settling on one of the swings. “It’s just like the one at the park. Not the one for little kids or anything. This one is the _real deal_.”

Kihyun hopped on to the remaining swing, pushing himself off easily. “You’re so lucky. Even I don’t have a swing set.”

Changkyun felt a burst of pride spread through his chest. His grin widened when his best friend, who he often looked up to, complimented his new gift.

“Changkyun?” Kihyun asked, after a moment of silence.

“Yeah?”

“Aren’t you going to swing?”

Changkyun quickly realized that Kihyun was flying four feet above his head. Meanwhile, his shoes were still (barely) scraping the ground.

“Oh, yeah,” Changkyun responded casually. “Of course,”

He scooted a little closer to the edge of the swing’s seat, so that his feet mostly touched the grass. From there, he struggled to push himself off. To his dismay, he ended up sliding off of the seat. The truth was, Changkyun never learned how to swing. He always had his mother standing behind him, pushing him off by the small of his back.

Changkyun didn’t understand. He thought that when people turned five, they automatically knew how to swing. Afterall, that’s what happened to Kihyun.

He frowned as he sat back down on the swing.

Kihyun skillfully leaped off the swing midair and landed stealthily on his feet. He walked over to Changkyun with a concerned look.

“What’s wrong?”

Changkyun flushed. “I don’t know how to do it.”

“Do what?” Kihyun helped his friend sit on the plastic seat. “Swing?”

Changkyun looked down at the velcro straps on his feet and gave a small nod.

“It’s okay,” Kihyun patted Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’ll help you. Hold on.”

He steps around Changkyun so he could stand behind him. Kihyun put his both his hands on the middle of his back and pushes forward with his weight. Changkyun was pitched closer to the sky at an upward curve. He giggled giddily.

“Changkyun?” Kihyun called. “Swing your legs back.”

“Okay,” Changkyun obliged, pulling his legs backward as he swings in the same direction.

“Great! Now, stretch your legs out again!” Kihyun clapped for Changkyun as his best friend followed his orders.

In no time, Changkyun learned how to propel himself back and forth on the swing set with his legs, gradually closing the distance between him and the sky.

Kihyun watched his best friend proudly, half because Changkyun looked so overjoyed and half because he passed on his own knowledge successfully. His smile faltered when he realized that as Changkyun swung himself, he was leaning back at a dangerous angle.

“Ah, Changkyunnie, be careful!” warned Kihyun.

“I’m fine, hyung!” Changkyun brushed his caution off. “I’m doing--”

He leaned too far back and flipped off the swing set in the midst of swinging back again. He landed on his neck on the grass, just in front of Kihyun.

“Changkyun!” gasped Kihyun. He dropped down to his knees to check on the younger boy. He didn’t even notice the damp soil seeping through his new jeans.

Changkyun sat up quickly, groaning at the sharp pain in his neck and shoulders. He was sure he didn’t break anything, but he knew there would be bruises by the next morning. He feebly reached behind his head and rubbed the sore spot on the back of his neck, right where his neck and shoulders met. It stung to the touch.

“Ow,” he winced, tears welling up in his eyes. He wasn’t about to cry in front of Kihyun. “That really hurts.”

Kihyun took Changkyun’s face in his hands and carefully checked for any serious scrapes and bruises. He turned his head side to side gently and brushed his fingertips over the red spots on his skin near the back.

“At least you didn’t break anything,” Kihyun said, echoing Changkyun’s thoughts. He slipped his arm underneath Changkyun’s and supported him as they walked to the steps leading up to the back door. He sat Changkyun down carefully. “I’ll get your parents.”

Changkyun hummed in acknowledgement, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He discovered that nodding was going to be a challenge. “Thank you,”

“No problem,”

Changkyun fell out of a swing set for the first time that day, but, Kihyun took care of him afterwards, so everything was fine.

 

ii.

Changkyun was nine when he climbed his first tree. His mother always warned him that he’d injure himself if he tried to climb one, but that didn’t repress his adventurous disposition.

He and Kihyun were riding their bikes through the park the summer before Kihyun went to middle school. It was sweltering outside. The sky was unplagued by clouds, letting the rays of sunlight warm their skin. The same beams of light bounced off the colored metals of their bikes. The silver spokes on the wheels glistened.

As usual, Changkyun had negligently left his helmet back at home. He enjoyed the feeling of the wind rustling his dark hair, disregarding the fact that he could easily crack his head open. He was standing on the pedals of his bike and grinning, a rush of adrenaline making his heart leap. He was elated that school was out and he could spend every day with Kihyun.

“Kihyun?” Honorifics were dropped long ago.

“Yes, Changkyun?” Kihyun kept his eyes straight ahead. He was wearing a blue bike helmet, adjusted so it perched loosely, but securely on his head.

“Do you think I could climb one of these trees?” Changkyun dodged a couple walking down the shared path. He flashed them an apologetic look.

Changkyun was referring to the cherry blossoms that decorated either side of the pavement they biked on. The blushing flower petals littered the park grounds. Changkyun had been observing the trees as they biked, deciding the branches looked considerably sturdy enough to support his bodyweight. He had asked Kihyun for his opinion anyway (he’d climb the trees, whether Kihyun agreed or not).

Kihyun stopped pedaling and looked at Changkyun. “Please, don’t,”

Changkyun slowed and pulled off to the side. He swung his left leg over to the right, hopping off the bike and dropping it onto the grass. He proceeded to stroll towards the nearest tree and listened to Kihyun screech to a stop. Kihyun quickly wheeled his bike over before Changkyun could do something stupid. He always did something stupid.

“Changkyun, your mom said--”

“Yeah, but my mom’s not here,” Changkyun gave Kihyun a mischievous smirk before reaching up. He jumped and grabbed ahold of the lowest cherry blossom branch near the base.

“I really don’t think you should be doing this,” winced Kihyun. He stood a few feet away, still holding up his bike. “You didn’t even wear your helmet.”

Changkyun managed to swing himself back and forth with his legs (like Kihyun had taught him when he was five) until he could hook one of his legs over the branch. He felt like a sloth.

“I don’t need a helmet,” he grunted. He pulled himself up so he could sit on the branch.

“Don’t be stupid, you’re going to fall,” huffs Kihyun. Still, he did nothing to physically stop his friend.

“I’m fine,” Changkyun stretched out the ‘i’ sound in ‘fine’. “I’m not going to die.” He balanced himself with the tree trunk as he slowly stood up. He reached upwards and held on to the next branch.

Kihyun watched as a flurry of pale, pink petals rained down onto the grassy earth.

“Besides,” Changkyun continued. He pulled himself up the new branch. “If I fall, you’ll catch me, right?”

“No.”

Changkyun pouted at this, but didn’t say anything else. Instead, he continued to ascend branch by branch, standing near the trunk to keep balance. Unfortunately, cherry blossoms had thinner, shorter branches near the top, so Changkyun could only climb so high.

“I don’t think I can go any higher,” he sighed, pulling on the thinner branch above him. More petals drifted downwards.

“Come back down then,” responded Kihyun.

Changkyun had no choice but to do just that. He began to descend, sitting down on the branch he was standing on and twisting his body so he could put both hands on his right side. He slid off the branch, hanging by his arms and felt for the branch below with his feet. It was lower than he remembered.

“Um, Kihyun?” Changkyun kicked his legs around.

“What?”

“I think I’m stuck,”

“ _What?_ ”

Changkyun sighed, used to winding up in troubling situations. “I can’t reach the next branch.”

Kihyun looks up at his best friend, struggling. “Well, what are you going to do?”

Changkyun glanced downward and attempted to shrug pathetically. “I don’t know.”

They both stared at each other in silence, trying to think up a solution.

“Do you think I could jump down?” asked Changkyun. “I’m not _that_ high up.”

“Yeah, but there are branches in the way, dummy,” Kihyun pointed out. “You’ll hit yourself on them and get hurt.”

“Oh, yeah,” Changkyun mumbled in defeat. Kihyun was always the rational one.

“I could bike home and bring back a ladder,” suggested Kihyun.

Changkyun shook his head. “How are you going to get a ladder here?”

“I’ll carry it and walk,”

“No, that’ll take too long,” whined Changkyun. He felt desperation rise in his chest. “What am I going to do now? My arms hurt!”

Kihyun dropped his bike next to Changkyun’s and made his way towards the tree. “I guess I’m going up, then,”

Changkyun waited as Kihyun gradually clambered his way up until he was standing on the branch right below him.

“Kihyun, my arms are dying,” complained Changkyun. He wriggled around, trying to relieve some of the weight off his skinny noodle arms.

“Stop complaining,” Kihyun held on to the tree trunk for dear life. His voice was steady, but Changkyun knew he was still afraid of slipping to his death. “If you hadn’t climbed this stupid tree, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“It’s not a stupid tree,”

“You’re a stupid tree,”

“You’re not helping me!” cried Changkyun. He nearly nailed Kihyun in the face with his foot.

“Hey, watch it!” scoffed Kihyun. “Ok, look, scoot closer to the trunk. That way, you can grab on to it and lower yourself down.”

Changkyun didn’t say a word as he shuffled left, inching closer and closer to the main trunk of the tree. In the process, his hand slipped and suddenly, he was dangling in the air by one arm.

“Kihyun!” he gasped. His other hand quickly followed and suddenly he was plunging roughly 9 feet towards the earth.

“Changkyun!” Kihyun managed to grab Changkyun’s hand as he fell. But, the weight of his best friend being pulled down by gravity dragged Kihyun down with him.

They both ended up hitting the ground with a sickening thud. Loud cries of pain followed.

That was the time Changkyun fell out of a tree. It was also how Changkyun ended up dislocating his arm and fracturing Kihyun’s wrist.

 

iii.

During Changkyun’s first year of middle school, he slept over at Kihyun’s house for the third night that week. His parents’ fights were becoming more and more frequent, meaning Changkyun spent most of his time out of the house, in order to escape the screams and cries.

For the first time in his life, Changkyun felt truly unhappy. Two years ago, his family was happy and put together. His mother would work from home and his father would leave for the office early in the morning. When he returned in the evening, his mother would cook them dinner and they’d sit around the table, talking about their day with laughter and smiles. They’d go on family trips when Changkyun was on break from school and they’d play board games together in the living room. His father and mother would say “I love you” to each other and hold Changkyun in their arms. But, those days were gone. Nowadays, his father would come home from his new job, exhausted and frustrated. He’d take out his stress on Changkyun’s mother. It started out as minor disagreements fueled by work-related tension, but eventually, those arguments turned into hours of screaming back and forth. Then, those fights turned physical. That’s when Changkyun sought refuge at his best friend’s home.

Kihyun’s parents welcomed him as if he were their own child. They didn’t ask questions whenever Changkyun knocked on their door late in the evening and he was allowed to stay over for dinner whenever. Changkyun was grateful for this.

Changkyun rolled over in his sleeping bag, wide awake. He was sure to be quiet since Kihyun was sleeping in the bed next to him. His body begged for sleep, but his mind was actively thinking about the state of his household. It was what kept him up most nights.

His father’s hoarse voice yelling at his mother about god-knows-what and his mother’s crying echoed in his head. He couldn’t seem to push out the image of his father standing over his mother’s body with his hand pulled back, ready to deliver a blow. Changkyun remembered it clearly. His mother was curled in on herself on the hardwood floor of the kitchen, sobs violently wracking her body. She was turned to the side, hand on her cheek. Broken dishes were scattered on the ground around them.

Changkyun had come downstairs to see what was the matter after hearing a crash. Seeing that, he cried out and hurried to his mother’s side, tears blurring his vision. His father had pushed him away roughly, shoving him head-first towards the sharp corner of the kitchen island. Luckily, Changkyun turned away fast enough, so he only hit the side of his head on the flat, blunt edge. But, it still hurt and it still left a mark.

After that, he had fled to Kihyun’s.

“Kyunnie?” A voice whispered above him.

Changkyun realized he had been quietly sniffling into his pillow, tears streaming down his face and dampening the material. His hand was pressed up to where the bruise was on the side of his head.

“Yeah?” He whispered back, voice cracking.

“Are you okay?” Kihyun had rolled over to the side of his bed to face Changkyun, but his friend’s back was turned.

“I’m fine,” Changkyun lied. He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. “Go to sleep,”

It was quiet again, so Changkyun assumed Kihyun had drifted off.

He hadn’t.

“Do you want to sleep in my bed?” Kihyun asked after a couple minutes had passed. “With me?”

Changkyun considered it for a few seconds before giving in. He weakly pulled himself out of his sleeping bag and climbed into the warm blankets next to Kihyun. Curling himself into Kihyun’s chest, he let himself bawl in a snotty, hiccupping mess. His throat hurt from the sobs and his body shook uncontrollably. When he had cried himself out, he laid there, giving little gasps and trying to even out his breathing.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled shakily. He took another deep, unsteady breath.

Kihyun ran his fingers through Changkyun’s hair soothingly. With his other hand, he pulled Changkyun closer. “It’s okay, I’m right here.”

Changkyun fell asleep that way, safe in another person’s arms.

The next morning, he was jolted awake by Kihyun’s alarm clock. He rolled over only to find empty space underneath him and tumbled out of bed onto the carpeted floor. He dragged all the blankets down with him.

“Morning, blanket hog,” grumbled Kihyun. Although, he was trying to be bitter, he couldn’t hide the fond smile forming on his face as he peeked over the edge of the bed.

“Morning,” Changkyun smiled back. It was the first time he genuinely smiled in weeks. He took a minute to recollected how he ended up in Kihyun’s bed the night before and felt a strange tingling in his chest. “What time is it?”

“Seven,” Kihyun threw himself out of bed (except he landed on his feet). “We’re going to be late for school,”

“Great,”

That was one of the many times Changkyun fell out of bed. But, this was also the time Changkyun fell in love with his best friend. He just didn’t know it yet.

 

iv.

Changkyun realized he had a crush on his best friend in his first year of high school. Well, he hadn’t _just_ realized it, rather he accepted it. He was 15, an average high schooler struggling with grades, sexuality, and depression. Nothing more and nothing less.

He had been lying on the floor of his bedroom when he came to terms with his crush. His homework was casted aside, but he still had a pencil in his hand. He twirled it between his fingers. With his back pressed to the carpet, he thought about what it would be like to date Kihyun. To hold his hand. To kiss him.

Changkyun felt himself grin at the idea and his heart played jump-rope in his chest. He let out a soft, breathy laugh, feeling silly and naive.

It was quiet in the home. His father moved out after the first year of ceaseless disputes. Even he got tired of the yelling and hitting.

Changkyun didn’t miss his father. In fact, he was glad his father left for good, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t furious.

His father had been the main provider of the family. When he divorced Changkyun’s mother and walked out that door, he left nothing behind to help them. Changkyun and his mother quickly plummeted into financial difficulties. So, they had to sell their beautiful house and move to a small apartment in the more destitute area of the city. It pained Changkyun to leave Kihyun behind, but he didn’t complain for the sake of his mother.

His mother picked up two jobs, working back to back hours all week long. She wasn’t particularly uneducated and the jobs paid just fine. They were able to live a sustainable life with both his mother’s salaries. Financially, they were doing well. The thing that really fired Changkyun up was the effect of the divorce on his mother.

While Changkyun was relieved that his father walked out of their lives, his mother grieved. She blamed herself. When she thought Changkyun was asleep, she’d cry alone in her bedroom, wallowing in her sorrow. Changkyun didn’t dare walk in and confront her. He knew she didn’t like to show weakness in front of her son, opting to put on a strong, encouraging face. Indulging her, Changkyun went with it.

He helplessly watched from afar, day after day, as she slowly slipped into a state of depression. Her job became a lot more tedious than it should be and she let her health dwindle. Little did she know, the sight of her suffering pulled Changkyun down with her. They both languished. It was his father’s fault and Changkyun knew it.

Changkyun tried to shake the dark feeling in his chest off. It did nothing to be silent and angry about his father. There was nothing he could do now.

Deciding it was best to start his homework, he pulled his binder closer when he heard a familiar tune emitting from his phone, accompanied by buzzing noises.

Changkyun felt around for his phone before answering the call. He didn’t bother checking the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Kyunnie?”

All of a sudden, the stress, the burden, the pain melted off of his body and dissolved into the air. Everyday Kihyun called at the same time and they’d talk for hours. It was temporary happiness.

“Kihyun!” Changkyun smiled into the phone.

“How was your day?”

The call didn’t end until long after the sun went down. They told each other about funny things that happened at school, reminisced their childhood memories, and joked around, like any pair of friends would. Changkyun never laughed harder than when he was with Kihyun. By the time they both hung up, his cheeks ached from grinning so wide.

Changkyun fell out of a lot of things. Swing sets. Trees. Beds. But he would never fall out of love with Kihyun.

 

v.

The end of sophomore year was Changkyun’s breaking point. He was 16, but he felt 30, standing on the sill of his bedroom window. The glass piece was pushed out to the side and the netting had been pried off the frame.

Changkyun was alone for the evening. His mom was working again and to top it all off, Kihyun had texted earlier, saying he couldn’t talk because he had to study for finals. There was nobody around to stop him. It was perfect.

He pressed his hands to either side of the window frame, inhaling shakily. The sun was setting outside. It was Changkyun’s favorite kind of sky; pink-orange blending into dark clouds, heavy with rain. He closed his eyes, attempting to clear his mind.

Did he forget anything?

 _No_.

There was an envelope on his desk with _Mom_ scrawled on the front. He had already cleared his locker at school, so his mother wouldn’t have to. He said his goodbyes to his friends, teachers, and close family, subtly enough so they wouldn’t suspect anything. Finally, he thought back to the last conversation he would ever have with Kihyun.

_Hello?_

_Kihyunnie?_

_Changkyun? Are you ok?_

_Yeah, I’m...fine._

_What’s up?_

_Nothing really..._

_Ok...well if you don’t have anything specific to say, I have to--_

_Wait, Kihyun!_

_What’s going on, Changkyun?_

_Um, I just wanted to say, I really miss you._

_I miss you, too, Kyunnie._

_Also..._

_What is it?_

Changkyun wanted to whisper “I love you” into the phone, but decided against it. Half because it was too cheesy and half because he was scared. But, mostly because it was too cheesy. Besides, what was the point of confessing if nothing was going to happen afterwards.

 _Will...will we see each other again?_ he stutters instead.

_Of course, we will. What kind of question is that? We’re best friends._

_So, you’re not going to forget me?_

_What are you talking about? How could I forget you?_

_I was just wondering..._

_Changkyun, you don’t sound okay. What’s going on? What are you doing?_

_Nothing! I’m just...procrastinating. You know me._ Changkyun tried to cover up his lie with a joke. Well, technically, he wasn’t lying. It was true he wasn’t doing his homework. He figured he wouldn’t be turning it in the next day, so there was no point.

_Kyunnie, I know when you’re lying._

_No, you don’t._

_Yes, I do._

_Kihyun, I have to go._

_What?_

_I have to go. I have something to do._

_Changkyun, wait, stay on the phone._

_No, I really need to do this thing._

_What thing? Changkyun, don’t--_

Changkyun had cut Kihyun off and hung up.

Standing on the edge of his window sill, he wished he hadn’t. He wasn’t going to lie; he was going to miss Kihyun the most. He loved Kihyun deeply.

He twisted around so he could take a peek at his alarm clock back in his room. The digital clock flashed 6:30pm. Changkyun had been standing there for thirty minutes, recollecting the last things he wanted to remember. Death was a big decision. He wanted to be completely ready before ending it forever.

He felt ready.

“Well,” he mumbled to himself. “There’s only one thing to do.”

Changkyun looked down from the sixteenth floor of their apartment complex. It was a long way down. The cement below would be the period at the end of a sentence. The sentence being his life.

He was about to let go of the window and let himself tip over when he heard a pounding on his front door.

“Shit,” he whispers. What should he do now?

Changkyun heard his name being called faintly through the doors and walls.

“ _Kihyun?_ ” Changkyun panicked. He didn’t want Kihyun to be here. He yelled, “Go away!”

“Changkyun, answer the damn door!” Kihyun’s muffled voice sounded from outside.

“I...I can’t!” Changkyun was crying now. He wished he had jumped thirty minutes ago. Instead, he gave Kihyun the opportunity to drive up and stop him. He could easily go now, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not while Kihyun was here. “Please leave me alone!”

“I’m not going to leave you!” Changkyun heard a loud thumping sound against his front door. Kihyun was trying to force his way in.

Changkyun’s heart pounded violently in his chest and his ears were ringing. Alarm clouded his thoughts. He felt like he was trapped in a nightmare. His vision seemed to blackout in his panic.

After what seemed like hours (though, in reality, it was probably only a few minutes), Changkyun heard the breaking of locks and a loud thud as the heavy front door was kicked open. He listened to the pounding of footsteps and the cries of his nickname. Seconds later, he felt a pair of arms pull him back inside his room by his waist. Suddenly, the carpet was rough on his skin. Arms and legs were tangled together uncomfortably. His cheeks were wet. His throat felt sore and tight.

“Kyunnie,” Kihyun was sobbing, tightly holding Changkyun’s body against his in what could only be described as a sort of hug. “Kyunnie, what were you thinking?”

They were both collapsed on the floor of Changkyun’s tiny room, shaking in each other’s arms.

Changkyun mumbled something incoherently through his despair. Even he didn’t know what he was trying to say. He managed to grab a fistful of Kihyun’s shirt and press his face into his friend’s shoulder desperately, crying noisily.

He didn’t know what he was thinking. He didn’t want to die. He wanted Kihyun’s touch and comfort. He wanted his mother to come home. He wanted his father to walk through the front door and say that it was all a mistake. He wanted their house across the street from Kihyun’s and the swing set in the backyard. He wanted to be five years old with his stupid light-up velcro shoes again.

“Kihyun...”

“You’re so, so, so stupid,” Kihyun was now hiccupping and laughing hysterically. He was as distraught as Changkyun at this point. “Why are you always doing such idiotic things?”

Changkyun let out a small laugh between sniffles. His head was buzzing and his fingers felt numb.

“What would I do without you, Kyunnie?” asked Kihyun with a whisper. He rubbed Changkyun’s back soothingly. He pulled away so he could take Changkyun’s face in his hands. “What would I do if I could never see you again?” Kihyun thumbed away Changkyun’s tears the best he could. “What...what would I...how...” His sentence fell apart as he shook his head, looking lost.

Changkyun brought his hand up to grasp Kihyun’s and leaned into his touch.

A heartbroken laugh escaped from Kihyun’s lips.  “I don’t know, what I would do. I...I love you, Changkyun.”

There it was. Kihyun’s confession. Made as they held each other on the floor of Changkyun’s bedroom.

Changkyun choked on his words, but he hoped Kihyun heard something that sounded like, “I love you, too.”

In his lifetime, Changkyun fell out of swing sets, trees, and beds. But, never did he fall out of the window on the sixteenth floor. It was because he fell for Kihyun. Kihyun was there to make sure he didn’t do stupid things. He always did.

 

vi.

Years later, Changkyun was fully rehabilitated. After countless therapy sessions and days spend hospitalized and on watch, his depression faded into a shadow. Of course, it came back every once in awhile. Depression never really goes away. But, in the big picture, he was content with his life. He felt lighter. Happier.

He was especially overjoyed when Kihyun took him by his hand and pulled him into their house for the first time as homeowners. It was a bright and sunny day.

“We bought a house!” Kihyun laughed loudly. His voice echoed through the walls as he spun Changkyun around. “It’s ours, Kyunnie! We have our own house! We’re such grown ups!”

“Calm down, we still have things to unpack,” Changkyun chided affectionately.

“Oh, since when have you been the rational one?” Kihyun teased. “Come on. Before we do anything, I have something to show you.”

Kihyun led Changkyun to the backdoor by their kitchen. He slid the glass open.

“Close your eyes,” Kihyun said.

Changkyun let his vision be compromised, holding onto Kihyun’s arm and listening to his orders of where to step and where to turn.

“Okay,” Kihyun sounded excited. “You can look now.”

When Changkyun opened his eyes, he was surprised with a red swing set off to the side of their yard.

“Oh my god, isn’t that the--”

“It’s not the exact one you had when we were little,” Kihyun interjected quickly. “But it’s the same model and color and everything.”

Changkyun barely heard what Kihyun was explaining. He stared straight ahead at the new swing set, a smile plastered on his face. He was overwhelmed as every emotion that ever existed filled his chest.

Kihyun nudged his shoulder. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” whispered Changkyun.

“Are you crying?”

“No,” Changkyun rubbed at his eyes. “Oh my god, I love you, Kihyunnie.”

Kihyun leaned over to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I love you, too. But, like you said, we have things to unpack.” He pulled Changkyun away.

Changkyun frowned, but walked towards the backdoor anyway. “But, I wanted to play on the swings.”

Kihyun laced his fingers between Changkyun’s. Changkyun felt Kihyun’s ring (the one that matched his) press into his skin.

“We will,” assured Kihyun. “And when we do, try not to fall out of the swings again.”

“I’ll try,” smiled Changkyun. “But, if I fall, you’ll catch me, right?”

Kihyun sighed. “Yeah, I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> i mean at least it had a happy ending. nobody died so that's good, right?


End file.
